This is a question that many have endeavored to answer and thought it seems that the answer is definitely yes, you have to wonder whether its truly necessary to love yourself through and through before you're able to love somebody else.
Sure, most people have the ability to love, most people do love something, but loving another person truly and completely is a very complex thing.
I know this sounds like I speak from experience and I do but I don't. I'm not sure that I've ever actually been in love with another person in the romantic sense so I can't say for sure that I know what exactly love feels like, or can be described as and so on. But I've been around a lot of people that have had very serious, very intense relationships, and I've witnessed some of these flourish and I've witnessed others fall apart completely. The most fascinating part regardless is watching just how much these people were completely invested in these relationships, some to the point that they didn't even realise how much of them was connected to this other person.
As soppy as it may be, it's truly wonderful seeing two people completely in love. Though, I wonder if its more just seeing them happy. Happiness is infectious and seeing two people happy regardless is a beautiful thing but seeing two people in love is amazing. I mean yes, there are all sorts of exceptions to this and it may be that they're not happy at all behind closed doors, it may be that they're happy but it's very one-sided, nobody can possibly know but the complete, raw notion of two people being in love is brilliant.
On the flip-side of that lies the break-ups. I have seen people have their entire world ripped apart because of a breakup. A serious relationship of years and years flushed down a toilet within a week. It's so hard to witness because (from what I've heard) it's like having a gigantic whole punched straight through your life and there's nothing that can be said or done to fill it. What advice can you give? How can you make that situation any better when you know that the only thing that will help is time?
It's a catch-22; you want to date because sharing your life is wonderful, but if you date there's the risk you'll get attached to someone and having them leave your life, taking a piece of you with them. It's tricky, but supposedly worth the risk.
The dating world has changed massively too, nowadays with apps and websites, everything is so accessible and open that apps like Tinder mean it's essentially browsing a supermarket for a mate. I mean it's a wonderful notion, the ability to quickly and easily connect with someone, but there's also such a massive pressure to be the absolute best version of yourself. There's this weird compulsion that you need to seem interesting, funny, intelligent, attractive. It's hardly realistic, but everyone's trying in their own way to be the best version of themselves.
It's awfully frustrating really, everyone trying so hard to show their best sides. When was it such a crime just to be human? Does everyone really expect to go around looking as glamorous as the various pictures they post? God no. We all have less-than-wonderful days where we really look like we haven't slept at all and our hair won't co-operate. We'd all love to pretend that we're cultured and that we travel a lot and that we're all wise and knowledgeable. We'd love to pretend that we're desirable in a quirky way and we have interesting music tastes.
I don't buy it. We're all only human, we're all flawed. These apps, though extremely useful, are inherently flawed in the sense that they always want you to pretend you don't have any flaws. It's possible that this is entirely my own experience of course. I've just always struggled to feel like I can be completely myself without seeming odd. Everyone is very contrived and it almost seems as if people are too scared to let the real them slip out over an app. It's all prim and proper till the first meeting and then the facade can drop slightly to "test the waters" or something. I didn't realise just throwing down your cards and seeing if you match was such a taboo thing almost.
Anyway, referring back to the title, loving yourself is undeniably one of the hardest things you can do and I think that loving yourself is somewhat unrealistic and I definitely think accepting yourself is perhaps more likely. You don't have to love yourself, you just have to be yourself and accept that you have what you have and you do what you do. Dating is extremely difficult as it is because there's a complete lack of real courtship, you can have a quick chat over an app and organise a date and off you trot, and if that fails just rinse and repeat. Dating has changed completely and its safe to say that you need a damn thick skin if you want to dive headfirst into cyber-dating as it were because rejection will come thick and fast and that'll make it damn hard to feel like you're worth loving sometimes.
Everyone is, but its important not to rely on someone else to make you happy. That much is so, so important. A relationship will not make you happy, it will simply add the happiness you have made for yourself. You cannot rely on someone else to fix you, it's too much for you both to deal with and it'll never work. You don't have to love yourself to be able to love someone else, but you can't expect someone to love you enough that you learn to love yourself.
There are so many wonderful things in this world and whilst being able to share your life with someone is such an incredible idea, it's not something that can be forced. It'll happen one way or another and despite how much I hate it the whole "It'll happen when you least expect it" thing does, weirdly, happen to hold some sort of weight. It's okay to be single, my god it's so, so okay to be single. I don't know why on this earth it seems so bad to be single but there's some off stigma attached to it, as if somehow you're doing wrong if you're not out there sharing your life with someone. Hell no, live your life, do what the hell you want and if you happen to bump into someone along the way, great! If not, also great, more time for you, more time for friends, more time to travel.
Life isnt any worse if youre single, not even remotely. Dating isn't anything like it used to be and it can sure as hell take some getting used to. These apps have changed the game forever, that's for damn sure. Regardless of how hard you try though, it'll happen when it happens, if it happens. Doesn't matter either way as long as you don't try and be someone you're not just to be with someone. Just be you and live your damn life, happiness will follow suit regardless.
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